Valentine's Day Thoughts 2022

 I often find myself in a reflective mood on Valentine's Day, and this year is no different.  The thought that popped into my head this morning while driving to work can be traced back to my flute techniques professor at Crane . . . the inimitable Mr. Ken Andrews.  More specifically, I was brought back to Ken's definition of the word support -- in his words, support could be defined simply as "pressure resistance."  While Ken's use of this definition was doubtlessly connected to flute playing, given that flute is one of few wind instruments with no inherent resistance, I find the concept of support to be a relevant one to today's topic in several ways.  Let's dig in, shall we?  We shall!

As humans, we often like to pride ourselves on our ability to be independent, strong, self-sufficient, etc.  We don't like asking for help.  We don't want to be a burden.  We don't want to seem needy.  I think this applies to most if not all of us.  All of this, despite the fact that so much would be easier if we were more willing to accept SUPPORT from one another.  Life carries a LOT of pressure.  We are only equipped to resist so much of it.  We are designed to have help from our friends (ahh, that quote takes me back to the Wonder Years).  Let's keep an eye out for each other, offer help when we can, and just check in and offer our support when we can, so we can help our friends better handle and better resist the pressures that are weighing on them.  Even, and especially, if they won't ask for the support on their own.  

Similarly, and perhaps more importantly, let's try and allow ourselves to accept help from our friends, even at the expense of some of our pride.  I think it's quite a common thought for us to be terrified of burdening others, or coming across as such, while in reality if we were the "others," we would PREFER to know how to help our friends in need.  So much of what is preventing us from deepening our connections with each other, from helping each other out, from being vulnerable enough to ask for help when needed, etc. etc. etc., is all in our heads.  Our own human nature prevents us from supporting each other and accepting support from each other.  My challenge to all of us: Take your friends at face value when they say they're here for you.  They really are.  I really believe that.  

Additionally, our SOCIETY could do a better job of supporting all of the above, and helping us to resist our pressures as proud humans to "do it on our own."  I am BEYOND grateful to have a handful of extremely close friends of different genders, some of whom have romantic partners and some of whom do not.  Some folks are not as lucky as me in this sense, and I wish they were.  My hope is that the concept of people feeling comfortable enough to be their authentic selves, and feeling comfortable enough to be vulnerable with and fully supportive of each other, gets normalized far more than it has been.  

How is this all relevant to Valentine's Day?  Well, let's take a look at what love is at its core.  Here's my take on it.  When you love someone (romantically, platonically, or in a familial way), it might look like this:

1.  Taking care of yourself as best you can, so you are the best person you can be to those around you.  This is important.  So often we treat those we love the most with the least respect.  If anything, they deserve the MOST respect.  And that means taking care of ourselves, and asking for support when needed, so we can be as kind, caring, and yes, loving, as possible when around them.  

2.  Getting help when needed.  If something is affecting your ability to be your best self around those closest to you, or if something from the past is (consciously or subconsciously) sabotaging your current friendships, relationships, etc......why not get some help to unpack it and work through it?  Seems like it can only help!

3.  Allowing your friends, partners, etc., to help you.  They want to.  Trust me on this.  You're worth it to them, even if your mind may tell you otherwise.  

Take care of yourselves, everybody.  Take care of each other.  Let others in your life take care of you.  Be each other's SUPPORT systems.  Our world is a minefield.  We're stronger together, even if our pride tries to tell us otherwise.  

Happy Valentine's Day.